Written by: Olise Atenaga
The power of confidence is undeniable. We see it daily all around in our professional and personal lives. There is hardly anyone who wouldn’t benefit from developing confidence because, with confidence, we get to do outstanding things for ourselves and others.
But the reality is this – confidence doesn’t grow overnight. It develops over time from experience that usually starts out in the form of courage.
I learned how to ride a bike much later than most kids typically do. At age 9 I decided I wanted to learn how to ride a bike for real. The challenge at the time was there were no kid bikes available for me to begin practicing. I was on vacation at my grandmother’s and the only available bike was her adult bike. It was a big silver and black bike, much bigger than a 9-year old. I couldn’t even sit and pedal. I had to stand and ride. I was scared and had zero confidence for the experience ahead of me.
On my first day learning to ride, I fell down repeatedly. I had bruises, cuts, and aching bones, but showed up for more practice the following day – still with zero confidence. Day two was a little better, but still lots of falling, bruising and aching bones. There was hardly any visible change either on day three from the previous day. However, day four rolled along, and it felt different. I wasn’t a master rider yet, but I was falling less, relaxing more and even attempting some daring moves like taking my hands off the handlebar. My confidence was increasing. Fast forward a few weeks later, I was riding like it was second nature and even breaking grandma’s rule of not going beyond a certain landmark. Life was good!
Every time I reflect on that experience now, and many others similar to it I have had in the past, I am reminded that in life the journey to confidence begins with courage. There is no other route.
If confidence was a Mack truck, courage would be the ignition.
Here are 3 steps to help you grow your confidence one courageous move at a time:
- Shift your thinking — Today more than ever, we are faced with what I call an illusion of confidence. We have been misled to believe that you either have it naturally or you don’t. That if you do, you are set and don’t need to do much or anything else. However, if you don’t, you are at a disadvantage…forever. Let’s face it, no one is born confident. We develop confidence as we grow and experience life. To develop confidence, you will have to refuse the idea that confidence is a fixed asset, and instead embrace a growth mindset that believes confidence can be developed, plus stay open to taking the steps that lead to confidence.
- Get in the game — You don’t need to have it all together or figured out. You just need to take the first step and the next one after that. The only way you develop confidence is by doing. Confidence is built through action. It can be hard to get in the game if you don’t think you’ll do well in the game. But it’s the only way you will get better at the game (whatever that represents for you) and get to a place of confidence. You may not be good at it initially. You will make mistakes. You’ll be stretched beyond what you are comfortable doing. You may even skin your knees. But this is how you get better and develop confidence. Athletes spend more time practicing than they do competing. Musicians spend more hours rehearsing than they do performing. However, it is during the practice and rehearsal sessions that they get to hone the spectacular performance we see and hail at show time. Confidence is simply a byproduct of doing something repeatedly and long enough with an outlook and commitment to getting better. There is no magic bullet or secret formula.
- Repeat — Life is constantly evolving. At some point, you will either hit your peak or need to climb higher or venture off in an unknown or untested path. New challenges and opportunities greater than your current abilities will come your way and your confidence will once again be under the spotlight. It may be low or even nonexistent, but don’t let this throw you off or rock your world. This is a never ending cycle and as long as you’re alive and growing you will experience these cycles. But just as you have done in the past, you will have to shift your thinking, get in the game and courageously take step after step to increase your competence and ultimately your confidence.
So the next time you feel your confidence is starting to take a nosedive, or you feel like it is nonexistent, use these 3 steps to bolster and grow your confidence.